2

Who the heck am I, anyways? I have always approached the ABOUT page on a web site the same way I would one of those long, photocopied letters that people often stick in Christmas cards. My stomach is filled with a sense of embarrassment for the person even before I read that he or she enjoys making small dolls out of used bandaids or that his or her therapist suggested that they keep a blog to "find out who they really are". I just don't like to feel all that embarrassment for other people when I have so much of that same feeling for myself so much of the time.

So it's with great trepidation that I stick my big unpedicured toe into the public swimming pool that is the "About Me!" page. Here goes:

I am a 33 and a half year old woman, hopelessly addicted to caffeine and perpetually in need of a haircut and new glasses. Despite my pentacostal hair, I have managed to stay married to the same man for 6 years and yes, we even have produced a child. This child's name is Austin and he is almost the only thing I take pictures of anymore. This is because he is cuter than anything else around. Including any wild bunnies that you might see in North Beach, which is our neighborhood in San Francisco.

And speaking of wild bunnies, you might see some in our neighborhood. Not so much the fluffy kind, but the kind who are really ladies dressed up in such a way that a real bunny might if that bunny wanted to have sex with you for money. Yes, our neighborhood borders on a red light district of sorts, but I promise you, it is the nicest red light district in town.

Other people who inhabit our neighborhood include some Financial District types, along with drunk communist poets, jazz muscians, Italians, Old Chinese ladies who do qi gong in the park at the break of dawn and one cranky Swiss bastard who won't let our son play in the back yard of the apartment building we live in. The noise of a singular child playing apparently disturbs this Swiss National so much that he must come out and yell things like "I cannot think with all this noise!"

But back to me. If I were to describe the perfect life it would involve wearing a lot of nice looking socks while I constantly try on shoes at our local Camper Store. Ocassionally, my son and husband would stop by to give me kisses and tell me how nice I look in whatever shoes I would be wearing at the time. Cream puffs from Beard Pappa interspersed with regulated amounts of warm tea made from stinging nettles and wild mint would keep me going. I would acquire a lovely ship in a bottle and a nice cuckoo clock for my child to look at whenever he needed to know the time or think about the sea. I would take a nap whenever I needed to and my work would keep paying me even though I stopped showing up ages ago. My husband and I would sleep in a separate bedroom that was not also known as the living room and I would have at least once in my life beaten my friend Anita at a game of checkers.

This my friends, is who you are dealing with. If you dare.

Day 2. Done